Choice
by Samantha Jordana Fox
Summary: I got inpired by a couple of moments in the show and I'm pretty sure that you will recognize them when you're reading it. It's a very short alicia-based story, so give it a try.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is my first english story, and the first story after a very long while. My beta-reader let me down, so probably there are lots of mistakes in this very short stroy. But I thought it's time to publish it anyway. I hope you like it. _

* * *

**I hate this part**

I hate this part right here, when my brain starts to analyze my feelings. I hate how good it feels to let you come close. I hate the voice inside my head, who tells me that I can't. I hate that I have to stop kissing you, to be able to get my thoughts straight. Damn it, I try to calm down myself. I hate how my eyes flipped open, still that close to you. Damn it, I try to ignore your sent. And I hate the sorrow in your breath and the gentle expression on your face. I just can't take it, how you pronounce my name. That's the hated part when I start to run away, make fast steps away from your presence. I rush into the elevator, not expecting you to fallow me. I hate to feel this way right now. I try to get my feelings away which want to push me back to you; hit my head several times. A cool breeze touches my skin, when the doors of the elevator opened. I sigh and distract myself by listening to the knock of my shoes on the floor of the parking lot. I hate that I'm not able to run right now, to get away from here, to not give myself back in your arms that easily. I push the button of the key to unlock my husband's car, once, twice until I hear that sound, and it blows away the guilt I feel. I hate this part right here, when my brain starts to consider my feelings. Those take over the control, just for a second and I hurry back to the elevator, because I know that this guilt, this voice in my head will come back soon. I hesitate to push the number of the floor where we're play along with laws. It reminds me of my husband and how deeply I loved him once. It reminds me of what he did to me and it reminds me of your care. I push the button hold it long pressed, to make sure that I do not have to push it once more, because I'm not certain that I can do this decision again. My voice gets to my ears: "This is not a good idea." There is no way back now, when the doors open you will see me. I know I will not be able to deny you, if you step towards my direction. I know that I can't hide after the doors are open – too few walls, too much glass in this office. And the moment came and I hate to find your office bare. You're gone. Maybe you are searching for me right now. I hate how you force me to decide between staying or driving home. I met one colleague right before, and I hate that I lied to her. Your tenderness will make me a liar if we find each other in love. You are my boss. It's not right. I cannot be a mess everywhere I go. I need this job, I need distraction. And I hate that I need you. I need you as a friend – don't have any left. I taste fear on my tongue and so I step back in the elevator. I sigh as I start the engine of the car. My cell phone rings. I know it is you. Your kiss brought me close to tears, from your voice I fled. So I hung up to drive home.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: It would be pretty awesome if you leave a comment. Thx for reading!_

**She is choosing him**

She is choosing him. She has to. She already told that guy that she will make his job harder. She had decided, not in this moment, a long time before. She decided to let herself fall for Will. She had decided to let all her duties behind and to let herself be stupid. The betrayed one had decided to betray. She tasted the tenderness of her future lover. It felt so good. There are so many thoughts in her head -in fact to many thoughts. She can't overlook them anymore. She wants to rinse them away. She decided to not take a "maybe" anymore. She loves her husband in a much habited way. Will on the other side is like a breeze of fresh air to her mental flat. Maybe this fresh air can help her to get her thoughts straight again. God, Will wants her so bad. But Peter is trying so hard to become a better man. He tries so hard to keep her but keeping her means that he probably wants his Alicia to keep. But his Alicia is gone. The new one is independent and so her feelings should be all her own. She wants to have a real chance to find out what her feelings are about. She decided not to consider her husband's emotions to have a chance to consider her own feelings. But still there has to be a way back, because she does not know yet what her feelings are about. She simply does not know who she loves more. Will or Peter. There has to be a chance to find it out without destroying the old and good situation. Or at least the situation that once was familiar to her. That's the point. There is no old Alicia for Peter and there is no old and good situation anymore. They would have to start over. That is the perfect chance to reconsider her choice. She decided to give a romance a try, to get her to know a different emotional life. She just can't stay with Peter by knowing that Will -who wants her so bad- could probably offer her an easier ride. She needs to know which one is the better choice for the new Alicia. The things that happened before her husband screwed a brainless blonde have no relevance anymore. She knew that her husband had never stopped loving her, that he had his reasons which she wanted to understand. This was the reason why she stayed with him in the first place. He loved her she loved him. Now they are very close to the point where everything is planning to go "back to normal". Back to how it used to be is a delicious thought but just a thought, because there is no back until they, Peter and herself, had worked out all what had happened, and there still was a lot that needs to be handled. There are a lot of words waiting in silence. She decided to be with both for some time. She decided to investigate if a painful breaking of silence is worth it. She will allow Will to hold her, to comfort her and to love her and she wants to give him the chance to convince her to stay with him. She wants to have a free choice. Will, she is choosing him. – for now.


End file.
